Hearts Break Hard
by Pollux Unbound
Summary: Shuhei x Soi Fon. If love had so many conditions she would be happy to live without it. Other than that, she's a captain, while he's engaged to be married. If only Hisagi Shuhei chooses to bottle up his feelings for her, to never speak of it, things will go just fine. But he does not. ShuSoi
1. Chapter 1

Note: I do not own Bleach and its characters. This will span seven or eight chapters, I think, and is, for the most part, written in Soi Fon's POV. Also, I tend to write long chapters and am liable to commit errors and inconsistencies every so often, which goes to show this sucks. You have been warned.

...

When she took off a whole new world opened up before me. In the early years of her long absence, everyone saw what I appeared to be while few really knew what was going on inside me. In sum, I was given an entire world of opportunities but, on the whole, my heart was giving way to ruin-amid my elevation to rank. At the same time, I knew, with all the reason my faculties could procure, I'd much rather turn down the light and be with her than face the world for its inhabitants to marvel at my power. I received power nonetheless, and she left, if only to prove her judgments were irrevocable.

She left me behind, to perhaps never return nor think of me even. In the wake of her disappearance, I reckon I had taken every care not to drive myself to desperation, though in the long run desperation, with everything it was good for, overtook me. Swallowing me whole like some lone fish in a sea of sharks, it mastered me with not the slightest heed to something like mercy. It forced me to move on. And I did.

One hundred years.

If one should care to take a good look at my records, let me say that I have neither slept nor idled. In the course of a century there was very little hope, I came to learn, that we'd ever meet again, yet not a day passed without my mind voyaging to her, wherever she might have been. For all the world knew, she had perished somewhere in the human world. Yet somehow, in the oddest corners of my soul, every inch of me was clamoring for a sign from her, which perhaps would come too late, or not at all.

And then one day she reappeared.

In the end, I felt too much to wish her death. If nothing else, it was a love quite barren of results, even though it thrived on in the darkest of days. At least it was real somehow. At least in never left. Now perhaps it remains to discuss the nature of my whole regard for her. But, then again, maybe not. Just who was I to speak of it when she cared for that bastard Urahara more than she could ever care for me? It was in this realization that this heart, broken before by a calamity it barely endured, shattered to as many pieces as it did one century ago. She was in love with him, and for that reason she once gave up everything she possessed, sacred or damned, to plunge into wretchedness with him. For my part, I could easily proclaim I could have done as much, could have loved her like that. Maybe even more.

Now redeemed into favor by the authorities of Soul Society, she's basking once more in the same glory. Apart from that, she's announced her betrothal to the same bastard who took her away from me. I can just laugh for the hilarity of it all, for isn't my life now, as one may see it, bestrewn with all manner of ruin that can be proven to be real at every turn?

I healed, nevertheless. I healed, gathered up the pieces, and moved on ultimately. If she's happy now there's nothing left in my role in her life but to humor her and gratify her. I'm sure it isn't that hard to imagine, as I am exactly the kind who holds dignity by not only the nobility of my blood but also by the grace of my conduct. And this is not a pretext with which to disguise the turmoil inside me; I can truly rest content if happiness were granted her in the form of that man I loathe, only that I don't believe I'll ever get myself to accept him.

But all these are fragments of the past now, and have nothing to do with my current plight, therefore what remains for me is to be completely honest, and to admit I am aching again for a different set of reasons, for a different person altogether. This time, I fear my heart is falling headlong once more to a pit inestimable and intricate. Perhaps you can call it love. And I will tell you how this new story goes.

…

I have imagined any number of times what might, in the end, introduce destruction to my soul. But, before I get into that, pray consider for a moment, before you judge me, the durability of my character and the rest which holds the entirety of my being together. If it proved too hard I'd then be left to say I am a strong, in a way no less than what is expected of a person of my stature. My name is Soi Fon, captain of the Second Division of the Gotei Thirteen and formerly the Commander of Onmitsukido. I am the same person who, some time ago, vowed never to open nor reveal her heart to another, ever again. And this same person, despite all her efforts, shall have her resolve broken by one man. Hardly have the wounds from the previous heartbreak healed when something in me started to embrace a new light.

His name is Hisagi Shuhei.

…

Perhaps one inevitable aspect of any great captain is his tendency to fall from grace. When Tousen Kaname revealed himself to be a treacherous snake, promptly showing how gravely the decision he made lacked basis in either logic or propriety, each of us, I'm sure, made our own little deductions as to why someone of his principles preferred the dark road. As for me, his departure simply meant one thing; men, however commendable their tenacity was, when faced with temptation must bend at one point, if only to fulfill the stigma allotted to them. But whether or not Tousen was a man worthy of dear remembrance is irrelevant now. Indeed, rather than suggesting a man such as he might've done the world he left behind more good than harm, in spite of his crimes, I think he merely was one of the many tragedies that encircle the lives of many. In the long run, Kaname Tousen was just a man, just a drop in an ocean of souls, and whose existence was necessary if only to complete a whole. But now the impact of his treachery is upon me, over me. Although none of the aftermath represents the same magnitude of evil as when he was alive and wreaking malice, I daresay I might as well be suffering just as much. In any case, I am not some sentimental idiot who'll go as far as to say the world ought to stop revolving to pay homage to my misfortunes. Nevertheless, one thought will remain the same; I never would've known Hisagi Shuhei quite as well if that blind bastard hadn't kicked the bucket.

The forerunner of the hinted unprecedented events was, to be precise, the reassignment of Yuroichi-sama to her former post; that is, Commander of the Stealth Force. What it posed for me was, I was forced to give away my inherited title which I held for a span of nearly a century. I should've known all of it was temporary. On the bright side, I was to retain my title as Captain of the Second Division. But, more than anything else, the whole of this change meant, for me, adapting myself to ordinary captain duties from which I had been previously excused, for the reason that the Second Division was tied to the interests of the Onmitsukido.

"As you are generous enough, Captain Soi Fon, to delegate your Commander of the Stealth Force title to our redeemed comrade Shihouin Yuroichi, it appears the time is ripe that you get a foothold on your principal captain duties. You are to set aside all your inclination toward the other direction and focus your efforts and attention on what is being served on the table." Commander recited.

The truth was, there wasn't any blatant need to assess my situation in full earshot of my fellow captains, much less to prolong this fiasco. Also, the announcement itself simply served to imperil the whole success of my reserve and nonchalance regarding this arrangement. Surely, I had as much reasons to fare better than a bitter loser as I could willingly surrender everything to Yuroichi-sama. I hoped everyone was aware of that. But, with the foreboding tone with which Commander sent forth his message, I saw clearly not only what happened but what was about to happen. Mark my words, there wasn't any reason for me to be glad about what little I could predict. So with scarcely any repose, he continued,

"I highly recommend you swap lieutenants with another division. This trade shall cover three months, more or less, in which case Omaeda Marechiyo shall learn how to deal with paper works and area management like a regular lieutenant, as opposed to the covert operations he has been so used to managing. As for you, captain, your temporary right-hand person shall henceforth introduce you to your official duties, which so deviate from what you are accustomed to. Moving on, you may request for your temporary lieutenant from any division should its captain permit."

What was clearly being demonstrated here was the obvious inadequacy of my knowledge in matters regarding office work. Indeed, it was no different from public humiliation. In fact you could argue it served as a step-down, or perhaps more accurately a discreet demotion. Whatever it was, chances were, I had no right nor heart to argue the state of my affairs. With that at hand, I consented, feeling as though my guts were being wrenched from my stomach. Having assessed my situation, I spoke, with sarcasm into the bargain,

"Understood. Well, is there someone here kind enough to lend his or her lieutenant to me? It's only for three months or so."

Of course the Eleventh Division was out of the question even if you noticed how Kenpachi's eyes flashed with interest the moment 'swap lieutenants' came out of Commander's mouth. And to think he was precisely the type who had made disinterest in captain meetings more ordinary than anyone living or dead, he must have been more than willing to relieve himself of his little vice captain, if only for a short while. If he were to propose that toddler, however, I'd be ready to bargain for Madarame or Ayasegawa, come hell or high water, for obvious reasons. But none of this imagined sequence was to take place because the Ninth Division lieutenant raised his hand, apparently eager to push forth a suggestion of some sort.

"I volunteer to be Captain Soi Fon's replacement lieutenant."

Well. I sure didn't expect that. My gratitude was his for this occasion, nonetheless.

"What say you, Captain Muruguma?" Commander inquired, his gaze locked on the Ninth's newly-appointed, or should I say 'reacquired', captain, Kensei Muruguma.

"No gripe whatsoever."

"Captain Soi Fon?"

"I accept and am indebted to Captain Muruguma and Vice Captain Hisagi."

"Meeting adjourned."

As swift as that, Omaeda shuffled to his feet to trail his new captain while Hisagi flash-stepped beside me. All around us, pairs of captains and vice captains were heading back to their respective areas as if nothing of interest had taken place. Soon enough, the meeting hall was bereft of any presence except mine and that of this tall man beside me. On a side note, all of this had been boring anyway. Moving on, I nodded at Hisagi, who did not make it apparent in any way if he had some grand reason to offer himself, only that he wanted to go with it bad enough to actually go with it.

"Quite the hero, aren't we?" I commented, out of my tendency to sneer on matters before anything else.

He stared down at me, as he loomed more or less one foot taller, with the same look one would give someone who had just been given an unexpected response.

"Don't know anything about heroism, but suffice it to say I feel it's my obligation to offer my services to you, especially now when you're in need of it."

"Really? Personally speaking, I would have thought it would take more than the praise you'd receive for a slick, noble display of charity to pull you away from your captain."

Seriously. With that '69' permanently inked on his face, one could mindlessly decide he was in fact worshipping the ground Muruguma walked on, and to deny that was about a breath short of a crime. To Hisagi's credit, though, Muruguma was truly a remarkable individual by all accounts, therefore there was maybe no reason in sight, or out of it, to deny whatever form of devotion his subordinates were likely to direct to him. And yet Hisagi was blushing now.

"If you wish to put it that way, there's nothing I can do about it, is there?"

"Muruguma is a very able captain."

"And so are you, Captain Soi Fon."

"I wonder."

For some reason, I was piling forth more interest in his devotion to his captain than I would have allowed myself to show. Maybe it had a lot to do with the tattoo on his face and the amount of audacity he mustered to display such an open worship.

"Can I tell you a short story, captain?"

"By all means, do so."

"Well, part of me, I must admit, wishes to impress Captain Muruguma. For starters, initiative and maturity are two things he values above all. With that into the equation, I assume that perhaps I can be elevated to higher esteem, at least in his eyes, if circumstances allow for me to prove my worth. On the other hand, the remaining half of me believes your current necessity requires my assistance. After all, I, out of all the vice captains, have the highest evaluation rating in terms of efficiency in delivering official reports and overlooking the performances of lower-ranking officers. So there."

I surveyed him to see for myself that he was wise according to the measure of his experiences. He was a generation or two younger than me, a criteria which somehow prompted me not to trust his instincts so easily. But he appeared so resolute, confident even. I remembered being as resolute and contented with everything I had. Yes, those days of bliss chiefly consisted of my ventures with Yuroichi-sama… following her around like a shadow, dreaming of her day and night; those were days of happier times.

"I'm impressed. Many who had known him believed him to be dead."

He sighed deep, looking as though he was assailed by deep thoughts. From where I stood, the expression he was wearing was worth all the clandestine glances it could get.

"When I managed to get admitted to the Gotei Thirteen I inquired of the mysterious silver-haired captain who had the number sixty-nine printed right between his abdomen and chest. As you can see, he was my childhood hero. You can imagine my surprise when everyone assured me no such captain existed. My educators and the notable individuals I encountered, who would have known better, reiterated the same thing; no man in the Gotei Thirteen fitted said descriptions. Furthermore, no record, in any corner of the forbidden archives section, testified otherwise. But I believed and never stopped doing so. At the back of my head, Soul Society was up to something covert and unjust. Perhaps they had reasons of their own to vouch for many things. However, it was as easy as saying captain had been incarcerated or exiled for having tarnished a certain set of principles Soul Society stood for. On that note, Soul Society had done something worse. I would've readily accepted the idea of his death but, instead, everyone claimed he _never_ even existed in the first place. Having had enough of the charade, I came to realize I had to profess something, anything. The best I could come up with was, in honor of him and my dedication I ended up having the same symbolic digits tattooed on my face for the entire world to see. He existed; that was the sort of truth which was established in me for as long as I could remember. I believed, strongly at that, that we'd someday meet again. And now here we are."

His speech was one of those love it or hate it types. If not, then, it was probably something deeper. In a way, I knew exactly how he felt, only that his story was to have a happy ending, togetherness in fact, while mine had to fade to black in something as unhappy as the love of my life's betrothal to someone I abhorred. A far-off worship, was perhaps the best name I could designate to our separate faiths.

"Nice story."

"I know you feel similarly, what with Lady Shihouin restored to her rightful place now."

He was grinning, as if he knew more than he should. And I could've punched the living daylights out of him.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

"Wow, this is a huge office. It needs a bit of cleaning, though." He observed, running his eyes over the scattered sheets on my table and the pieces of furniture which were now dusty from long disuse. It was only the day before when he transferred to my division to run a service which should last for a couple of months or more. Naturally, he was to go back to his original post once the procedure had run its course.

Without further ado, he proceeded to show how much he knew his work, at least on the onset, and consequentially how much I didn't. Here and there he shuffled about, organizing catalogs and volume after volume of documents, while I stood on my spot not knowing what to make of the situation.

"I'll be back in a while. Seems like I'm of no use here as of the moment." I announced, to which he nodded with as little care as I could imagine.

And so I went on to inspect the training of my subordinates, imagining as I walked on how gravely the missions from hereon would run so linear in comparison with my former assignments. On the whole, this made me feel like I had less freedom than I preferred, or needed. At any rate, I headed back to my office to check on Hisagi when an hour had elapsed.

Upon my entrance, I found that what he did in my office was exactly the sort which would make my movements inside easier and nothing more over-the-top than that. For one thing, he wisely added several features formerly missing, resultantly making everything within reach. Thus for one lone stretch of time, a short one at that, I had to marvel at his efficiency.

"How do you like it?" He inquired with a self-satisfied grin so often seen on people who knew they performed well.

"Neat. I'll start with the documents right away. You may take a break or supervise the training of the new members. If neither of these should suit you I'd be much obliged to dispose you to assist the newly-appointed third seat officer, who is now inspecting the assigned area down there at the Rukongai."

"If it isn't any bother I prefer to stand by here, captain. In other words, I'm sure you're up to encounter tricky stuff on those papers which most likely may be sorted out if we both work on them, together." He explained, his cheeks flushing with color as if his offer came with broad, perhaps mysterious, meanings that lay just beneath the surface. For my part, I figured he did have a point, but none of it really outweighed the necessity of his presence on the training grounds.

"Is that so? How about you give me the preliminaries here and now and then check on me later?; say, in two hours. In the meantime, I believe the fourth seat officer needs a hand in supervising the trainees." I declared, my detached tone overriding any such evidence of earnest concern otherwise attached to my statement. But he stood frozen on his spot for a good while, looking as though he had been struck dumb by something unseen and sudden. Needless to say I felt the need to appear distant, for reasons still unknown to me, I took this opportunity to sit down and survey the papers.

"Well, captain, if you insist. Er, I suppose I should give you the details." At that, he walked over my desk, with caution, and planted himself behind me so that his shadow partially obscured the contents of the records on my desk.

All the same, he took his time to examine the documents, never leaving my side, all the while giving me a strange feeling. He was so close; that was perhaps one of the loudest thoughts swimming over my head. Why, I couldn't have guessed. And yet it appeared he was looming closer by the second until the empty space between us accounted for no less than a few inches. I was then starting to feel a little strange and was decided to remind him of his nearness and what it implied when I felt a soft yank upon one of my two braided sets of locks. Instantly it gave me a sense of alertness- for what, I didn't know and couldn't have guessed. Nevertheless, I turned to look at him stiffly, to find him sniffing the tip of my locks, holding it on his palm like some fragile object.

Astonished as I was, I managed to string a few words together,

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Hisagi?"

He immediately dropped my hair and allowed his hand to fall on his side. As expected, he was quite as astonished as I was, as if he had not realized what he was doing until then. Upon closer look, he appeared bewildered, even. Being inhibited in both speech and conduct as of the moment, he blushed, which made me more compelled to place him where he ought to be. But he apologized, in a very hesitating fashion,

"I'm sorry, captain. It won't happen again. I just got a bit caught up in the moment. And your hair looks _lovely_. I'm sorry."

Provided he was in fact telling the truth, and as apologetic as he appeared, I could perhaps condone his erratic behavior and leave things as settled. Perhaps none of his actions were meditated. But he was now gazing searchingly at me, obviously awaiting the forgiveness for the slight, momentary indignation he had occasioned me. And I could barely look past the disappointment which seemed to be plaguing him now. Of course the severity of my bearing did nothing to quell the tension.

"You're dismissed."

With the least resort to attempting calmness he walked out of the room.

…

In the days that followed, I grew weary of the never-ending clerical duties, of the sinking feeling that I was playing a part in some scheme which I did not understand. In fact, my only comfort lay solely on the prospect of having subordinates who were developing their combative prowess at such an astounding rate, or so it seemed. Other than that, the days were colorless, especially with the thought of having to accept them on their own terms. Unless I found a more worthwhile occupation soon I would never get to accept my new environment.

How, I wondered, could the other captains, apart perhaps from Captain Zaraki, endure the complete and utter lack of activity which seemed to fill a captain's job? How indeed. Although pile after pile of important paper works awaited us every day and that we were busy with supervision most of the time, there was no disguising the fact that the training sessions imposed on us, as well as our population count, did not at all accord with the low count of Hollow incidents for which we were built up. If my suspicions proved correct, Commander and the Central 46 had perhaps been anticipating an apocalypse all these centuries. Maybe we were all doomed to perish right from the start. Well, we almost perished in the hands of Aizen, so didn't that mean worse was to follow?

I was so pursued with various kinds of serious, dark thoughts that I almost failed to heed this odd, melodious tune issuing from down the hallway-from the lieutenant's quarter. To be quite honest, I hadn't heard anything like it. I had always been fond of music and had made considerable effort, now and then, to spare a few minutes of my time to reconcile myself with it. But I couldn't quite appoint a clear judgment to what I was presently hearing, except that it gave me an eerie, unstable sensation of a dream. Thus, without paying much attention to where my feet were steering me, I darted to his door. It was coming from within. Was Hisagi singing and playing an instrument? Somehow the idea appealed to me, and being aware of it made me mildly ashamed of myself. Whatever the case was, I was aware of the possibility that I was impressed by the sound he was procuring. Along with that line of thinking my uncertainty grew. Just what was I doing here standing outside his room? But it was too late to head back now, because now I found myself inexplicably drawn to the lyrics…

_I know where I belong _

_And nothing's gonna happen _

_'Cause she's so high... _

_High above me, she's so lovely…_

_What could a guy like me _

_Ever really offer? _(1)

Somehow, things started to leap alive in my mind, as though something in his voice had awaken me. Nevertheless I held myself in check, at the same time trying to take the bombardment of hints being thrown at me. In the end, I made up my mind to walk away silently, unheard. After all, the song had the unmistakable traces of the living world in it. I happened to know for a fact that Hisagi had previously spent a number of days down there. He must have picked up his recently acquired talent from his prolonged stay.

"Who's there?"

Well, there was luck as you'd like to have it. I was just at the point of turning away without further delay when he swung his door wide open. Somehow I was thankful it was night and that there was no one else to witness this blunder. But then I was starting to remember what had taken place between us a few days ago. Since that episode in the office we hadn't exchanged a single word apart from the ones necessary to carry out official tasks. Now we were standing face to face, both mutually aware of the awkwardness this encounter volunteered.

"I was just leaving." I announced, running my gaze over the strange-looking instrument he was holding.

"Oh. Do you need something, captain?"

"No. I must have lapsed for a moment while making my way to my office. Good night to you, Hisagi."

"Do you still have work to finish, then? Would you like me to wrap it up for you? You seem tired, and I'm currently finding it hard to sleep."

"I can manage."

"Alright. Good night, captain."

"Same to you."

I turned to my heels to go, believing I had more confidence than when I'd arrived. For all the embarrassment, I couldn't care less about how much it appeared otherwise. All I knew was, I had to depart lest the rate of my heartbeat suffer a more dangerous speed. I didn't know why his slender form and the way he carried that instrument had chosen to lodge deep into my mind, never to go away anytime soon. But I was given no opportunity to clear my thoughts, for Hisagi Shuhei was chasing after me. Once he had caught up, he seized me by the wrist.

"Wait, captain. I wish to speak with you. Will you hear me out?"

TBC

(1) Lyrics from 'She's So High' as made famous by Tal Bachman


	3. Chapter 3

Upon impulse, I yanked my arm from his grip.

"I expect you have a legitimate excuse for using physical contact on your captain." I said.

Hisagi tucked his hand inside his pocket and drew himself to his full height.

"I'm sorry. But, to move on, somehow I've been getting this feeling that you're avoiding me. To tell you the whole, honest truth, I _can't_ stand it. If there's anything I can do-"

"-what makes you think you're in such a position as to earn that sort of regard from me? I'm not avoiding you, Hisagi, nor am I affected personally by any encounter which our circumstances have so far fated for us to share."

Instead of appearing discommoded by my regrettable response, he pulled himself more erect and went on to inspect my face, as if there was more to see behind the coldness with which I carried myself. He was wrong on every count, however, if he considered my coldness to be a pretext for something deeper.

"For one thing, captain, you recently disposed me to the supervision of the trainees, an assignment which runs counter to the purpose of my temporary squad transfer. For another, lately you've been relying on your third-seat officer to polish clerical matters when that post is clearly my specialty."

To be clear, his insinuations were exaggerated, if not exactly so wide off the mark. The reason why I resolved to seek minimal help from him was because there also was an increasing need for my seated officers to acquaint themselves with matters other than field assignments.

"Let me inform you of the situation of my other seated officers; they also happen to have limited knowledge of this line of work, hence rearing them in every working perspective turns out to be a high priority."

"You're right. I may have presumed too much, it appears." He muttered. Despite his assent, no trace of sincerity could be discerned from his tone. If anything, it was possible he condescended merely for the sake of ending the argument. He continued, "Well, captain, now that everything's clear, I have one last request." He finished with a smirk, whose origin I could not quite place. Just what was so funny?

"I'm sure it's not an emergency. I'll hear it tomorrow."

"It will only take a few seconds of your time. Please."

"Fine. What is it?"

"Smile for me."

"What?"

"I think you heard me perfectly well, Captain Soi Fon. I wish you'd smile once in a while. You seem to be very dejected lately, what with all the boredom your situation has been generating. In any case, I might as well tell you; if things were to go my way, I'd do everything in my power to warrant myself a glimpse of your rare smile."

I examined his countenance amid the darkness. As a form of a return, I put on a stern face, so as to encourage his guts to the right direction. Why, no subordinate, until now, had ever come so close to jangling my nerves as to nearly affront me like this. And yet, he was looking thoroughly composed and so full of bright mood that I did not know whether I should express indignation to the extent I felt it or to extend my admiration to him for having the audacity to speak thus to a captain.

"I daresay you're mildly insane. For your convenience I will pretend this conversation never happened. For now, I have no intentions of punishing you for the lack of decorum with which you employ your mouth."

His gaze was still charged with aloofness, much to my annoyance. He continued to survey me as though reading a message there which he could not perceive. Yet, no matter how hard I was trying to make my irritation more apparent, he remained ponderous, amused even, so that when he finally spoke his voice came out willingly, with a kind of self-satisfaction and no trace of reluctance.

"Thank you for that. But, since there seems to be no way I'd earn that smile anytime soon, I'd like to walk you to your door if you don't mind."

This time, I kept my gaze upon him in an unbending attempt to make him recognize his place. Acting toward me with a freedom which could only bring trouble, he might as well have seized my wrist like what he did minutes before.

"You do realize there's no need for that."

"Oh, so you _do _mind? No worries, captain. I'll just head back to my quarters if that's the _sad _case. Well, then, I guess this is good night."

"Good night, lieutenant."

I walked away in a stony gait, trying hard to win back my composure. Even so, I couldn't quite refrain from reading his faint Reiatsu. He was still standing where we parted. I left somewhat reassured, though not quite entirely, it seemed. But, more importantly, there was no determining what I ought to do with his perplexing behavior. Why was he always unabashed? On one hand, he was more often than not dispersing an air of audacity-toward me. Although he showed it without the least hint of exertion, it remained hard to tell if he was simply testing the charms he was somewhat equipped with by default or aiming for something else. I must note he wasn't bad-looking. Apart from that his singing voice was something. On the other hand, there was this all too clear likelihood that he was attracted to me, one way or another. Now, in the course of my existence, many a man had done what they could to win my affection, if only a portion of it could be owned. Yet somehow I found myself staggering under the awful burden of this idea, that Hisagi Shuhei was possibly hitting on me. And yet worse was to follow.

"There's trouble down the Level Three training unit, captain. I've alerted the officers from the Fourth Division but it seems imperative that you go down there as well." Compelled by what appeared to be a pressing urgency, my fifth-seat officer spoke so rapidly that I was sure something so alarming had taken place.

Level Three training unit is basically the last and most enclosed section of my division's training grounds. And, mind you, a place such as that is secured in more ways one can think of for the purpose of sealing away huge disturbances continually occurring there. In other words, the place exists simply to facilitate the summoning of Shi Kai and Ban Kai. Now, it is common knowledge that trainees and younger officers are somewhat liable to make a mess out of the training sessions.

This time, however, things sounded a little too serious. To add on that, my lieutenant and third-seat officer, if I remembered correctly, were at that particular instance in charge of facilitating the training. How grave, might I inquire, should the conditions be, provided I dispensed two of my most trusted men? Just how? I learned the answer to that soon enough once I descended to the scene of the accident. Quite in accordance with my officer's report, the whole exploit was a damned mess. Apart from two seated officers, one trainee was gravely injured.

"What happened here?"

"It appears someone lost control of his Reiatsu. According to witnesses, by the time he managed to achieve a partial Shi Kai things were already looking bad. In the next second, the two officers, Hisagi-san and Satou-san, charged at him to subdue him, all to very little avail." Vice captain Kotetsu of the Fourth Division clarified.

I scrutinized my surroundings and kept my eyes riveted on the inanimate objects to lessen my agitation. By the looks of the damage, I was sure three or more lives were hanging on a balance. I tried to maintain my composure even as the whole of this sank in on me, but at the back of my head one clear thought prevailed: this much damage was in all probability produced by a potentially strong and inexperienced Shinigami, a factor which ruled out Hisagi and my third-seat, what with both being entirely reliable and in no way inexperienced.

Now and then, talented warriors are brought to Soul Society's attention, and with proper rearing and guidance they are expected to turn out remarkable, formidable even. Almost always, as captains, we learned through strict orders, though seldom through conscious thought, that promising warriors are to be monitored in the event of possible rebellious conducts which is so commonly accepted to be an underlying quality of theirs.

In any case, I most certainly failed to look thoroughly into the state of my subordinates' potentialities, for whoever caused this mess escaped my notice, strong though he was.

"And who is the root of this calamity?"

"It's the newly-certified member, Arata. He's among the heavily injured, captain."

"I see. I wish to assess their conditions."

As soon as I finished flinging orders everywhere to blot out the displeasing aftermath, I headed to the recovery ward. In the brief moment of passage when I arrived at the location I was seized by sad thoughts, of past instances where my presence here meant confronting the deaths and sufferings of comrades…

I reached their quarters, to find there three of my subordinates propped on white beds, their wounds dressed but their faces streaked with dirt. None of them were even half-conscious. Be that as it might, it wouldn't take a genius medic to figure Hisagi had taken most of the blows. Compared to the other two, the misfortune seemed to have hit him with far greater impact. He must have taken it upon himself to pull some heroic deed in order to minimize the damage. I then examined Arata, and in doing so I almost resented the idea that he was more dangerous than we could have anticipated. And so there was nothing else to do but to stand there, to stagger under the weight of what transpired, inwardly.

But, as my mind was agonizing in disarray, I caught a movement from Hisagi's side of the room. To my surprise, and evident relief, he was stirring. And, although discomfort and meekness were all over his countenance, he appeared to be in no state of immediate death. And then his hands rose, tracing the space in front of him with dramatic gestures. With that, I rushed to his side, against my better judgment, never foreseeing how one thing would lead to another. I reached out for his hand.

"Hisagi." I muttered.

Without fully realizing how unbecoming my action was I was therefore very conscious of his state. He was somehow awake, and yet not quite wholly in possession of his mind, for he was obviously in great pain. And pain could take away sanity, if only momentarily. As such, even as his lids were parted slightly there was no expecting he was aware of my presence, nor of what befell him.

"You're… you're really beautiful…how I wish you were…" He mumbled incoherently without phrasing the rest of his speech, his voice feverish so that instantly it was clear nothing in what he said was deliberate.

I let go of his hand just in time when his consciousness slid back to blackness. In some unknown way I felt uneasy, not out of concern for their lives but for something else. Nevertheless, it seemed necessary to report the little incident to the medic, as slipping in and out of consciousness might have been a bad sign for recovering patients. But, before I got the chance to summon the nurse, I found Captain Unohana standing at the doorway. Whether she had been there long enough to witness my little folly with Hisagi I could not have said, which prompted me to contemplate on the inconveniences of my preoccupied state of mind.

"Don't worry, Captain Soi Fon. I administered on them a strong potion whose side effects include some mild case of delirium. It means the formula is taking effect."

"Well, I should thank you for attending to them." I answered.

She smiled her tranquil smile, leaving me assured of my comrades' well-being. She was about to make an exit when, pulling to a halt, she spoke,

"The mental state at the mercy of which Hisagi now rests is the result of the stimulant in the potion which serves to keep their nerves working, in order for the body to recover without delay. In a sense, the substance in question also amplifies emotions which would otherwise not have been as clearly manifest as what have thus been shown here. I would venture to say patients under the influence of this drug tend to be more vocal and, in a sense, _honest_. Good day, Captain Soi Fon." She finished with so honest a smile I was left with no choice but to honor her candidness with a stunned silence.

TBC

A/N: 7 chapters at most. thanks for reading


	4. Chapter 4

For five long days Hisagi, Saito and Arata lay recuperating in the hospital ward. During this span of time I subjected the rest of my subordinates under a thorough examination so that I might determine the level of their powers. With that at hand, I assumed making brief visits to the hospital was of the least importance, resolving instead to inquire as to the patients' conditions rather than dropping in in person. Moving on, aside from having concluded a number of things, I was pained to accept that few of my men possessed real talent. If I were to weigh the overall strength of my squad, we'd be left lagging behind seven or more squads. As things were, this was a ripe chance for me to prove my real worth as a captain. Should things go my way, that would be enough to explain my existence to this world.

Needless to say the current premises on which my division stood was disagreeable to each of us, we all pined for the recovery of the injured in our own little ways. On the sixth day following the incident, Saito and Arata were discharged from Captain Unohana's care. Hisagi, on the other hand, was to extend his detention for three more days. I did hear he had been receiving quite a number of visits from his friends and fellow vice captains, which, of course, suited me just fine if that should equate with a sort of benefit to the speed of his recuperation. As of the moment, I was occupied with a number of missions.

One day before Hisagi's scheduled release from the hospital, he apparently voluntarily discharged himself from confinement. How he managed to convince Captain Unohana was anyone's guess, but he was cleared to go anyway. While he acquired his impending freedom a day too early, I and a number of scouting members were roaming the far-off regions of the Rukongai 186 following a report of some considerable disturbance. Since the report suggested the presence of a rather formidable foe, there certainly was no reason why we shouldn't handle this in such a way as to make it count in our favor. Hence I took Arata along, in spite of his lack of experience. I figured this was where I would test his skills.

My immediate plans, then and there taking definite forms in my head, was thwarted altogether as soon as Hisagi came dogging our heels. From about a distance of a couple of miles his approaching reiatsu was simply all too detectable, and therefore this was folly on his part if he dared imagine himself unobserved. I wondered what his reasons could be for rushing toward us with speed that was almost genius. And then he arrived within a minute of my observation.

"Captain, I wish to partake in this mission-"

"May I call your attention to your state, Hisagi? You're barely healed and in no way fit for sudden and excessive movements, much less for combat. Go back to the healing ward."

I intended my speech to be final and meant my coldness to disarm whatever pertinence he was up to pull. Around the same time I gave a signal to go, my other companions were starting to show faint traces of pity for the lieutenant, as if he had a right as much as they to take a role on this exploit. But, for all the finality which my decision rendered, the Ninth Division lieutenant replied,

"As your acting vice captain it is my duty to stay beside you in times like this. Moreover, Captain Unohana had given me clearance to vacate my bed earlier this morning. I took that as an assent to resume my original post. And since Arata Kazuki is allowed to roll out on a mission now I see no reason why I ought to stay out of action."

His unsolicited concern I could at least leave alone, but his insistence to take part in this hunting mission was another story. Thus I spoke,

"After what occurred down at Level Three last week the most natural course of action to choose, at least for me, was to expose this young lad to actual combat. I do not wish to give you the satisfaction of thinking I owe you some sort of explanation, but there you have it. Apart from that, his presence here hardly connects to yours. While I applaud your instincts, for managing to somehow confine the damage to minimum during that dreadful incident, the fact remains that you are the most physically aggrieved among all the victims. On that respect, no captain in her right mind would allow her subordinate to risk further injury under a blind acceptance of his words. Or do you take me for a fool?"

He shifted about, clasping the hilt of his Zanpakotou, trying to perhaps show that nothing in my remark made him feel daunted. Upon closer look, he was rather fired up, emboldened or otherwise hardened to the core, or so it seemed. All around us my other squad members were looking away. To my mild surprise, contrary to his inclination to voice out a last-ditch protest, he said apologetically,

"I… I understand. I'll be at the squadron unit, captain. And…"

"We're moving out. When I get back, I expect to find you buried in the paper works you left behind."

"Sure. Well, be safe, captain Soi Fon."

…

In the days that followed, I found myself spending less time in the office and more in the Level Three training unit. There were times when I'd ask myself if my choices could be justified by any well-meaning intentions. Nevertheless, my reason for this was to hone Arata Kazuki's explosive latent abilities. Of course under no condition should a captain spend more time on a single underling than she ought to, lest her other priorities fall unattended to the background. Be that as it might, I was more concerned about his immediate development than what others were most likely imagining.

And then there was Hisagi to concern myself about. Since he was loyal enough to trail me anywhere I went, it appeared natural for him to assist me in training Arata, when the opposite of that was true since there was no way I couldn't have managed this affair single-handedly. Having encouraged him to supervise the training of the other members, I was more than vexed when he declared 'my place is with you'. On that note, I became entirely convinced of his determination to stick to me no matter what, for reasons so perturbing to me. And now that a direct answer from him was no longer needed, so became my curiosity. In the end, I resigned to the fact that he would never leave my side for as long as he stayed in my division. That, however, wasn't the root of my distraction.

"You might want to prioritize maintaining your Shi Kai for as long as your endurance allows. It's not about how strong a force you can generate but how long you can hold it." Hisagi was telling Arata. From what I could tell, he had an expansive knowledge of our Zanpakotou's initial release. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary because he himself was a very experienced swordsman. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he was more than halfway through achieving a Ban Kai.

It was either I was impressed with his knowledge or he was keen on making me so, or both. But as much as it was expected of him to know at least that much, it was puzzling that he knew exactly how to execute directions which were preamble to bracing one's soul for a huge and balanced reaitsu release, particularly a Ban Kai. Had I been oblivious to the limits of his strength, I would so readily believe he had been training long and hard for a very specific goal. Or was he already capable of a Ban Kai and was keeping that information out of everyone's discovery?

Again, a new curiosity was welling up in me, thereby pushing me to settle my question once and for all. And so on the next day I approached Hisagi, whose back was bent on a pile of papers in his corner of the office,

"Haven't you achieved your Ban Kai yet, Hisagi?"

He looked up at me, dazed by what appeared to him a senseless query.

"Why, I should wish so, captain, but that's not the case, I'm afraid."

"Is that so?"

"Yes." He resumed his activities, looking as though the issue I had just presented was something he could confront only by evading it.

"And does that mean your brilliant instructions yesterday to Arata were a product of inexperience?"

He withdrew his fingers from the papers and ran his palm over his scalp.

"Well, captain, I'm about as honest as I ought to be. There's no way someone like me can have achieved something as grand as a Ban Kai in so short an expanse of time, but…"

"Pray, continue." I urged on.

"I think I'm really close. I'm not sure. Maybe in a year or so I'll be able to. Not now, though."

"Why didn't you say so? If you had told me earlier you could have availed a few private lessons with me, or from anyone who knows better."

He reddened at this, scratched his forehead in obvious nervousness.

"I would prefer that, believe me, but you're _busy_ at it is."

He hadn't gotten around to setting down his pen when he stood up, excusing himself for some urgent calling from the Vice Captains' Meeting Hall.

…

He was avoiding me. Well, it went to show I was wrong on account of my early suspicions about his attachment to me. Regardless of the amount of time I was spending down the training grounds, there was no mistaking Hisagi had of late been taking every care to miss my presence. Whatever his reasons were, I felt there was a significance to them which I was compelled to respect, solely because he had so far committed no serious error in performing his duties. But I would be a fool to presume that the time when I would need him would not come, or would come quite late. This time, the amount of paper heaped on my table necessitated him. Unless I was happy to do this alone, I could refrain from summoning him.

Skipping my steps on the way, I headed to his quarters with my Reiatsu suppressed beyond recognition; something I was used to doing without realizing it was unnecessary. Having passed by several corridors, I finally heard voices from the nearest room. I paused upon mention of a name.

"Yosh, Arata, you've been very sunny lately. You gonna get your Ban Kai soon?" One of my seated officers was saying.

"Captain Soi Fon says I still need work. It's possible to achieve it in ten years in the soonest, according to her." Arata explained.

"Cool. Looks like you're enjoying."

"Yeah… captain's really strong and cool, isn't she? And very pretty too…I wonder if she's married or has a boyfriend…"

"Oi, kiddo, don't be getting silly ideas." Another voice said warningly.

"I'm not...just saying."

"Then why are you blushing like an idiot?"

I resumed my flight toward Hisagi's door, without delaying for another second. Once there, I knocked thrice.

"Come in." I heard his voice.

I entered his room to be greeted by his blank gaze. Even when he stood up to receive me and acted so polite, still I felt he was averting his eyes. It was possible he simply meant to maintain a decent distance between us, here in this so small an enclosure.

"I know it's break time for you, but I need you in my office immediately after the bell rings." I fastened my eyes from one object to another, taking in the whole arrangement of his abode. He was playing the instrument when I came in, and somehow I felt I had come at an awkward time.

"Got it, captain."

I took his response as an undisguised dismissal, the sort which I was loath to accept. I normally wouldn't leap to conclusions if I could help it, but I spoke, if only to eliminate any such hard feelings brewing between us.

"Are you avoiding me, Hisagi?"

His head protracted toward me. Yet I was given the feeling he no longer looked into me, nor saw more than my figure standing just across his coffee table. It was as though he was struggling against himself to muffle things he had to say.

"No."

"Very well."

I turned to go, and meant to without as much as a curt 'good day'. However, I hadn't gone two steps in my exit before I felt the familiar warmth of his fingers against my wrist. This time I didn't pull away so hastily.

"Captain, I wish to know something."

"Say it then." I turned back to face him, withdrawing my hand as gently as I could so as not to incur the slightest of insult.

"…"

"I haven't got all day, lieutenant."

Seeming vaguely unfazed and, on the whole, serious, he advanced cautiously to where I was,

"I only have one and a half months left to stay here, in the Second Division. I'd have wanted to stay longer and enjoy the remaining days as much as our circumstances should allow. But lately I've been finding it so difficult to sleep, what with all the things racing in and out of my mind. Fact is, most of them involve you, captain. And, I also came to realize, except that I am in a good deal of emotional travesty I feel perfectly well and therefore am not ill. Even so, I can't trust myself to face the thought of you getting so… What I'm trying to say is, I won't go as far as to ask you personally or try to discomfort you in any way. So I'm only going to say it once; I wish there's nothing going on between you and Arata Kazuki, because that would hurt me in an expanse you perhaps will never understand."

TBC


End file.
